So I guess this is where my journey starts.
Recently, I've been thinking about what it means to be spiritual. My entire life, the definition of spirituality that I've been fed was always one of Jesus; Of the Christian lifestyle, the mission, service every Sunday. Even at a young age it never really made any sense to me. The farthest I ever got was my first Communion, but even so, the entire thing felt weird and off to me. I only really did it because my Mom and Stepfather required me to.
Growing up, outside of religious circles, when I wasn't tied to my computer playing video games, I was outside, walking around and hanging out with my friends. I loved being outside, and especially enjoyed being in the woods. Growing up AMAB, I quickly took a liking to Scouting and enjoyed being out in the woods. Spending time in nature left me feeling refreshed, happy, and with motivation that lasted for weeks afterwards. Every summer, all I did was think about when I would get to go back to camp.
My parents found this amusing, considering I didn't have a lot of friends, except for one. I mostly spent my time at camp walking around in the woods, and swimming. I loved being in the water, the cool murky lake greeted me every year with the gunk that builds up on the hairs on your skin. It felt almost like a tangible welcome, a feeling of “Ew, Gross” that felt like the way an older sibling teases their younger sibling after not seeing them for a while. It felt like, as weird as this may sound, a gesture of endearment, and of love.
It felt almost as if the forest, and that lake, were calling to me.
I felt at home in those woods, but most of all, I felt connected
I want to explore this more. I want to feel that connection again, deepen it.